The Lost Son Son

Whenever the topic of parenting comes up in Dragon Ball Z, there are a few talking points that can always be counted upon to surface: Piccolo is the best father, Vegeta probably spoils Bra, it’s weird that Krillin named his daughter after a shitty ex-girlfriend, aaand most commonly of all, Goku is a horrible parent, particularly to Gohan. He regularly abandons him, puts his life in danger, assumes his willingness without asking, and never, ever considers that his methods might be harmful. Goku doesn’t hurt him intentionally, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is doing damage, and the fandom rightfully calls him out on it.

The Son family in general is a dysfunctional mess, largely thanks to Goku’s haphazard and aloof attitude toward his wife and children. Although heartwarming and tender moments do happen, they’re disappointingly scarce. Even the most diehard GoChi fans readily admit that there are some very serious and deep-seeded problems; Goku and Chi Chi never seem to be on the same page, which not only sabotages their marriage, but also results in wildly different parenting styles. This creates an inconsistent home environment, which is always rough on children. But hey, at least there was that seven year gap following the Cell Games when Goku stayed dead! That means the Son household became more stable since there was only one parenting philosophy in action, right?

Well, maybe not. While I do agree that Goku’s absence probably meant fewer problems overall, it also quietly created another huge one – and this time, Goku’s not the culprit, and Gohan’s not the victim. I’ve always been surprised (and kind of disturbed) that no one ever seems to notice that Goten probably has a paper-thin relationship with his mother.

Chi Chi makes no secret of the fact that she forces Gohan to study so hard specifically because she doesn’t want him to turn out like his father. She’s known Goku since they were children, and thus has a long, long history of having to tolerate his shortcomings – shortcomings which, obviously, she doesn’t want to see repeated. On some level I do get where she’s coming from; Goku’s lifestyle has certainly reaped benefits, but his lack of education has caused him to unintentionally and repeatedly act like a dipshit. If he’d ever bothered to look into studying more than only his fighting techniques, he not only would’ve had a more thorough understanding of what exactly he’s trying to save when he defends Earth, but he might become a bit more socially aware in the process – and, y’know, not treat his friends and allies like garbage half the time. I’m honestly surprised Chi Chi never put her foot down and insisted that Goku seek out some level of education as well, if just to round him out.

Regardless, Chi Chi is determined that Gohan won’t grow up in the same manner. It’s something she considers her duty if she wants to call herself a good mother, and in some ways it’s how she expresses her love for her son. It means he’ll face long and arduous hours hitting the books, and there will undoubtedly be times when he won’t want to do it and will complain that he’d rather be doing other things, but she does it because she wants what’s best for him. Sometimes being a mother means making difficult decisions that your child can’t immediately understand, which they hopefully will thank you for in the future.

However, if this is the way Chi Chi views her rearing of Gohan, it necessarily begs the question of why Goten doesn’t receive the same treatment. If she educates him at all, there’s never been anything to indicate that she holds him to the same expectations as his brother. Gohan is Chi Chi’s beloved scholar, while Goten is seemingly the “other” child.

It’s depressing to admit, but I believe that Goten is badly neglected by his mother. Maybe not in the sense that she doesn’t take care of him or feed him enough, but rather, she doesn’t give him the same time, attention, or affection as she does Gohan. My personal opinion is it’s because he’s the spitting image of his father. When Chi Chi looks at Goten, she doesn’t see Goten; she sees Goku, just as she remembers him from their childhood, along with all of the characteristics that drive her crazy. The situation isn’t helped by the fact that Goku and Goten have very similar easy-going personalities. Perhaps the resemblance is just too strong, and she unwittingly reads Goku’s traits into Goten. Are they traits that are actually shared between the two? Who knows, because it appears that Chi Chi gave up on Goten long before she ever gave him a chance.

Now I can already hear some of you typing a reply to this post, and yes, I’m aware that it’s canon that Goten learned to fight from Chi Chi; that said, I personally just don’t buy it. Considering how vehemently she always resisted the notion of Gohan becoming a warrior in the interest of his safety and prosperous future, it’s hard for me to believe that she’d suddenly 180 with her other son. Why go so far out of your way to stop one child from training only to personally train the other? Why is the safety of one too important to allow him fight, but the safety of the other isn’t a concern? If Chi Chi softened her stance as the series says, that still just means she’s not treating her children equally. Withholding one from education and the other from martial arts sends both of them the message that they’re different, which risks alienating them from one another.

What I think is more likely is that Goten learned to fight from Trunks. Fighting definitely has a lot more value in the Briefs family, and it’s established that Vegeta takes him into the gravity room to train him. If Goten’s not getting enough attention at home, then of course he’d take whatever he can get from someone else that’s willing to spend time with him. We know that Goten looks up to Trunks and is constantly mimicking him and trying to win his approval, and Trunks thrives on showing off to gain Goten’s admiration. Working toward being more like his only friend is also a stronger reason for him to have become a super saiyan at such a young age. Once it happened for Trunks, it was only a matter of time before Goten got there too.

Something else that makes me doubt Chi Chi would willingly teach him to fight is how she reacted to him becoming a super saiyan in canon; when Goten transforms – not only a huge accomplishment in and of itself, but an even bigger one because he’s the youngest to do so to date – Chi Chi doesn’t congratulate him or praise him in any way. Instead, she’s so upset that she literally calls him a monster, and forbids him from ever doing it again. What ought to have been a celebration of his incredible achievement is instead a moment of shame, and he hides it so well that Gohan had no idea it’d ever happened, despite sharing a room with him.

Chi Chi’s lack of investment in Goten manifests strongly in his relationship with Gohan. Goten is utterly thrilled when he can get his brother’s attention – because let’s face it, it clearly doesn’t happen very often. Gohan’s schedule is too tight between homework and studying and tutoring and reviews and exams. It’s not uncommon for a young kid to crave the attention of an older sibling, but the way Goten absolutely lights up whenever Gohan has time for him leaves me with a really uneasy feeling that he’s so hungry for acknowledgement because Chi Chi is starving him. His deep disappointment when he doesn’t get Gohan’s attention is also very telling; maybe it’s just me, but it looks to me like he’s a little too used to being swatted away when reaching out for affection.

The real evidence for me, though, is the way Goten relates to Goku during his one day back in the living world. Goten was initially very skittish of meeting Goku, to the extent that he’s hiding behind Chi Chi when first confronted with him.

After minimal prodding, however, he literally runs into Goku’s arms and loosens up almost instantly. By the time Goku has to leave later that same day, Goten is so distraught he’s literally clinging with every limb and burying his face in Goku’s chest.

Take a second and really look at those two images. That’s a very, VERY strong attachment for someone he’s only known for a couple of hours.

But then, Goku also paid a lot of attention to him during that time.

If I was a little kid who’d been pushed aside by my only living parent and made to feel less important than my older sibling, then suddenly got to meet someone that was truly excited to know me and had a lot in common with me, then yeah, I think I’d have a hard time saying goodbye, too.

What I think this ultimately boils down to is the fact that Chi Chi stopped being a fully-rounded character once Gohan was added to the cast. She has her good points, but the longer Dragon Ball Z goes on, the more her portrayal defaults to the “tiger mom” parody with little more characterization beyond that. It’s really a shame, too, because in the original Dragon Ball she’s a formidable fighter herself. Hell, she’s skilled enough to compete in the Tenkaichi Budokai! I can understand adjusting her portrayal after she becomes a mother, but I wouldn’t have made her swing so hard in the new direction that she completely loses sight of who she once was. With the way she looks down her nose at fighting skills throughout DBZ, a viewer that doesn’t know her background wouldn’t be able to tell she was ever a warrior at all. It robs her of being a complete and complex character.

There’s no reason why we couldn’t have gotten a version of Chi Chi that values education without demonizing martial arts. She could’ve acknowledged that combat is a family tradition (on both sides) and made room for Gohan learning his father’s craft while also emphasizing the importance of other studies outside of it. She could’ve encouraged martial arts as a form of enrichment while also setting hard limits and establishing boundaries for the sake of his health and safety. She could’ve organized the two subjects in a way that allows them to complement one another instead of hammering down on one to exclude the other. And if she’d done all of this with Gohan, there’s no reason she couldn’t have done the same with Goten as well once he came along. Taking a more inclusive approach and harboring the two sides equally would’ve put less stress on her marriage and a lot less stress on her children.

Instead, we get a Chi Chi that’s obsessive, stubborn, and plays favorites between her sons. Gohan himself describes her as “obstinate and pushy,” and presumably he sees the best sides of her. For all the shit we give Goku about neglecting Gohan, I think Chi Chi deserves the same accountability for how she handles (or doesn’t handle) Goten. I suppose in a weird, sick way these dynamics balance out the marriage, as each parent seem to connect more with the child that the other overlooks, but the fact that it’s balanced doesn’t mean it’s healthy, and for seven years Goku wasn’t there to even things out. That means that for seven years, Goten was on his own, struggling to connect with a brother that’s too busy for him and a mother that resents him. If we’re going to give Gohan a voice against his toxic relationship with a parent, then we can’t overlook Goten in the same regard; he’s already been overlooked enough.

 

Obligatory Legal Crap

I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, or any member of the Son family. I’m far too critical of how DBZ treats is female characters to have let something like this slip by, and if I had to write a series with a character like Goku as the protagonist, there’s no way I’d have lasted 30 years.